Mr A-Z

Sunday, April 03, 2005

And you can leave my feeding tube out of this.....

Less than a year ago I hated olives, couldn’t stand ‘em. But I wanted to love ’em, I did. Something about ‘em made me crave ‘em, made me think I should try ‘em and acquire the class, brass and bold taste. Though I never longed to snack ‘em direct from the jar the way my father would during the evening news coupled with the daily paper, taking in both olive and information simultaneously, and at large doses nonetheless. I couldn’t see myself being that much a fan of either current events or a pimento at the time, both appearing to be high in fat content and mythically dangerous to my health, but here I am currently sighting both.

Tonight I ate 11 large olives in one sitting. Two came with my martini while the other three-toothpick kabob’s containing three each were served on the side with a coke. I ate them and drank in moderation mind you, in a certain significant and chronological order throughout the night. Whatever my point, this was a record setting serving wherein I enjoyed every savory mouthful of fresh olive flesh.

As I’ve rapped before, I’m type A positive and that’s just the way I like because right away I’m satisfied with my food before I try it. I’ve always been proud to sample and enjoy every kind of tasteful creation there is, especially when I’m traveling abroad. I like to learn confidence by allowing someone else to order the foreign food for me, and trusting their own ideas of deliciousness teaches me a thing or two about culture and what exactly kills curiosity. Also, I look at it as a way of being thankful for this food in which I am about to receive. The way it sounds is about as religious as I get, except when I’m feeling guilty, but so be it for now. I’m not starving and I appreciate that.

So who was I to discriminate against the olive? Who was I to scrape ‘em off of a pizza for so many years? Why was I put off by ‘em when a million or so others sucked ‘em down the way a Pac-Man machine sucks all my quarters? I knew they couldn’t be harmful if swallowed and I knew that with just the right attitude I could accomplish anything. I’d done it before. Befriending this fruit or whatever the hell it is would be the final frontier for all things considered and then after that, I would indefinitely be in love, or at least have a gentleman’s appreciation for, everything.

The following is a rather good reason to respect the olive fruit, courtesy of…

“The high position held by the Olive tree in ancient as in modern days may be realized when it is remembered that Moses exempted from military service men who would work at its cultivation, and that in Scriptural and classical writings the oil is mentioned as a symbol of goodness and purity, and the tree as representing peace and happiness. The oil, in addition to its wide use in diet, was burnt in the sacred lamps of temples, while the victor in the Olympic games was crowned with its leaves… is also valuable in skin, muscular, joint, kidney and chest complaints, or abdominal chill, typhoid and scarlet fevers, plague and dropsies.”

Plague!? Dropsies!? Should either of these ailments return to our modern ages, I’ll be pleased to know I overcame such a simple feat and gave my immune system the exact prescription required for empowerment and/or longevity. And if olives play such a huge role in peace and sport, such as the Olympic games even, why are there not official olive sponsorships in the everyday events? Do we not think baseball, basketball, or Nascar brings us peace of mind and a time to unwind? Can’t you hear it now? Olive juice, the official laxative of the NCAA…

Ever notice how if you mouth “olive juice” to someone silently it looks like you’re saying, “I love you”?

I won’t go into detail the gist of my educating taste bud training-course, because it was simple. I just ate the little boogers until I eventually figured out what they were meant to taste and feel like against my palate. Soon enough I knew what to expect of the chubby little vinegar-pea and gave it a pretty high ranking on my imaginary list of favorite flavors, ironically up there next to wasabi peas and collard greens, but not any greater than blueberries mind you, the number one doctor recommended anti-oxidant and natural creative stimulant. (Okay I made those statistics up. But I love ‘em and like to think of blueberries as Mother Nature’s earth-made Skittles, which by the way was never problematic in accepting an allowance into my fun-food daily diet.)

I bring this olive situation up to you, fair reader, as it is merely an analogy of what can be done if you set your mind to it. The task at hand was one of very small proportions, a small step for man, but the practice was a giant leap and a fine example of how I, and you, can use the power of positive thinking to overcome fear and insecurity, work out our bad habits, and cure ourselves of whatever we feel might be plaguing us deep down. Especially if you have the dropsies…

Okay I can’t stand it. What the hell are the dropsies?!

According to Webster it’s an unnatural collection of serous fluid in any serous cavity of the body, or in the subcutaneous cellular tissue. Got it?

This entry is also designed to discourage anyone planning on interviewing me in the near future who might rely on this website for information to discuss during said interview. Last weekend I had to spend a good 5 minutes searching for a way out of a Kevin Federline conversation, making my whole point against that kind of entertainment moot and more popular than it needed to be. With that in mind I dare you to ask me about olive cultivation on your radio show, I double dog dare you. Otherwise, take this entry for what it is or is not.

In it is enlightenment as much as there is in it vanity.In it is humor as much as there is in it a science. In it is a loud and harsh statement as much as there is a nothing coming from a quiet voice mouthing in confident silence.

Olive juice.

This blog is a sample of the journals of Atlantic Recording Artist Jason Mraz, find out more!

New Album Mr A-Z - Out July 26th 2005!

All content copyright Jason Mraz 2005.